B+ - How Vs Why

4:55 PM Shanky 1 Comments

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When we were kids, we did not know anything about B+. Then slowly it was introduced to us as a blood group. Then a little later it was one of the dreaded grades. But this post is not about any of them. This is about being positive. Almost every feel good book, motivational speaker, teacher, coach, strategist, doctor, lawyer and many others preach this slogan of "B+ always; more so in the face of adversity" But most of them fail to say how! At least in India, my motherland, the answer for that question is "Have faith" or "Believe in the almighty!" Though I am a theist, I simply cannot make my mind wait for the events to turn positive when I am already distressed and am thinking am knee deep in sh!t.

The next question that pops up in our mind is what is that we need to be positive? Is it only when we are down? Or do we need to develop a positive outlook to everything around us? Be it a small incident or a slip up or even criticism. With a positive bend of mind, your life turns out to be better for you. Faced with adversity or victory does not matter when you can think through an optimistic lens. Before you close your browser tab, labeling this as a gyan post, let me move on. But only before warning you, this still could turn out to be a gyan post. But what the hell! Be positive buddy :)

I am not a management guru or any such thing. I am just a recent graduate and I think about everything that happens to me during the day before I go to sleep. This helps me organise my thoughts, schedule and most importantly analyse my behavior. One such outcome of that is about "How to be positive?" This is not a panacea and might fail in most places. But it is something and this something will help you in at least a few places. I strongly believe so and hence spending a few minutes to pen my thoughts.

When I am irritated or frustrated or feeling low or angry, I concentrate on asking the right question rather than finding the right answer. Seeking the answer before asking the right question can be a disaster in the making. So what is the right kind of question? Well, if it was just that simple and standard then I think life will be boring. So, even I don't know what is that question. But what I do know is that there is no one right question (sounds like globe or gas. Well it is :) ). In what I have discovered so far, I think it is better to avoid "How" questions and encourage more "why" questions to help being positive. Let me explain this with an example.

All of us have friends or relatives. Most of us would have fought with them time and again. When we fight, it usually is mended by other firends or by ourselves. However, in the interim period we undergo turmoil that is mood-killing to say the least. And during this period, most of us will be pondering over the "how" questions. "How can he say that to me?" "How can she do this to me?" or various other questions might pop up. The downside of such questions is that it leads us to recount the favors that we did for the other person while completely forgetting about what help they have rendered for us ["I helped him when he was financially down and this is how he repays?"]. Instead, try asking the "why" questions. "Why did he say that to me?" "Why did she do this to me?" Maybe, just maybe, you will get a few responses that might elevate the other person in your eyes. At least it will give you more than one option and a quicker healing time. "May be what I said irritated him" or "May be she did not know this will hurt me."

There might be a better example or a better way to handle such situations. If you know them or use them in your life, please let me know or spread the word for everyone to know.

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1 comment:

  1. Nice Thought n post Machi. i ve seen few old people in villages convincing themselves by assuming some positive reasons if something went bad . On the other hand, in Corporate world, i m seeing people assuming worst possible reasons for mishaps.


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