B+ - How Vs Why
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When we were kids, we did not
know anything about B+. Then slowly it was introduced to us as a blood group.
Then a little later it was one of the dreaded grades. But this post is not
about any of them. This is about being positive. Almost every feel good book,
motivational speaker, teacher, coach, strategist, doctor, lawyer and many
others preach this slogan of "B+ always; more so in the face of
adversity" But most of them fail to say how! At least in India, my
motherland, the answer for that question is "Have faith" or
"Believe in the almighty!" Though I am a theist, I simply cannot make
my mind wait for the events to turn positive when I am already distressed and
am thinking am knee deep in sh!t.
The next question that pops up in
our mind is what is that we need to be positive? Is it only when we are down?
Or do we need to develop a positive outlook to everything around us? Be it a
small incident or a slip up or even criticism. With a positive bend of mind,
your life turns out to be better for you. Faced with adversity or victory does
not matter when you can think through an optimistic lens. Before you close your
browser tab, labeling this as a gyan post, let me move on. But only before
warning you, this still could turn out to be a gyan post. But what the hell! Be
positive buddy :)
I am not a management guru or any
such thing. I am just a recent graduate and I think about everything that
happens to me during the day before I go to sleep. This helps me organise my
thoughts, schedule and most importantly analyse my behavior. One such outcome
of that is about "How to be positive?" This is not a panacea and
might fail in most places. But it is something and this something will help you
in at least a few places. I strongly believe so and hence spending a few
minutes to pen my thoughts.
When I am irritated or frustrated
or feeling low or angry, I concentrate on asking the right question rather than
finding the right answer. Seeking the answer before asking the right question
can be a disaster in the making. So what is the right kind of question? Well,
if it was just that simple and standard then I think life will be boring. So,
even I don't know what is that question. But what I do know is that there is no
one right question (sounds like globe or gas. Well it is :) ). In what I have
discovered so far, I think it is better to avoid "How" questions and
encourage more "why" questions to help being positive. Let me explain
this with an example.
All of us have friends or
relatives. Most of us would have fought with them time and again. When we
fight, it usually is mended by other firends or by ourselves. However, in the
interim period we undergo turmoil that is mood-killing to say the least. And
during this period, most of us will be pondering over the "how"
questions. "How can he say that to me?" "How can she do this to
me?" or various other questions might pop up. The downside of such
questions is that it leads us to recount the favors that we did for the other
person while completely forgetting about what help they have rendered for us ["I
helped him when he was financially down and this is how he repays?"].
Instead, try asking the "why" questions. "Why did he say that to
me?" "Why did she do this to me?" Maybe, just maybe, you will
get a few responses that might elevate the other person in your eyes. At least
it will give you more than one option and a quicker healing time. "May be
what I said irritated him" or "May be she did not know this will hurt
me."
There might be a better example
or a better way to handle such situations. If you know them or use them in your
life, please let me know or spread the word for everyone to know.
Nice Thought n post Machi. i ve seen few old people in villages convincing themselves by assuming some positive reasons if something went bad . On the other hand, in Corporate world, i m seeing people assuming worst possible reasons for mishaps.
ReplyDelete-Veeru.