Deranged Marriage

2:56 PM Shanky 27 Comments

Image Courtesy: www.dhivager.com
This season is the happiest for everyone and I like happy times. Businesses are happy about the boom in sales, Parents are happy about getting their kids "settled" and kids are happy for having found the right match. Coming to think about it, everyone is actually optimistic about the future and I like optimistic thinking as well. However, in all the euphoria about the rosy future we still drag along a demon from the past which has no relevance, according to me, in the modern world. The demon is haunting me right now and what actually got me thinking about it was an interaction with one of my batch mates. This guy recently tied the knot with his girl friend and I met him for lunch as his office was near mine. We had worked together in the same committee while at Lucknow and knew quite a bit about each other. As usual the conversation started with a pointless, useless question when my friend asked me, "So when are you getting married?" I took a casual sip from my glass of carbonated poison and shrugged my shoulders. He persisted, "Arey! Tell me, saale. By now your parents must have started the hunt" He referred to the bridal hunt, which every Indian youth is aware of, as if it were the latest Roadies audition. I nodded in agreement accompanied with a wry smile. He continued, "Look, even if you go one chain lower in your FB friend list you will be able to find a suitable girl. I am sure!" I coughed up the poison that I was drinking and started laughing. Just because he has had a fairy tale wedding it cannot be that he has no clue about the system. The system of arranged marriage, which I call, deranged marriage. Initially followed by the western royal families who have now moved away from it to change according to changing times. While this practice is now prevalent in their colonial states. Intelligent buggers these colonialists!

As a dutiful friend and a co-societal being I explained the process to him. When I finished the entire process, especially the one that pertains to a traditional south Tamilnadu family, he was wide eyed in disbelief and gulped his poison, thanked his stars that he was not subjected to this torture. 


Of all the steps involved in a deranged marriage, what I find the most amusing is that you should only get married to a girl from your own caste and some parents even go into sub-castes, sub-sub castes etc. I have no clue how many levels they have. I have earlier in my old blog (which is defunct now) talked about why we should question the relevance of some practices in today's life. While we evaluate technology and adopt as per changing needs and time but refuse to do that with customs and rituals is a blinker. Let me tell you why I think the caste based marriage made sense for my ancestors but no more appeals to me. 

Why it made sense to my ancestors
Caste system in its inception, as narrated to me by history books and wiki, was a classification based on the work you do; in essence the skill you possessed. So a Brahman's son could end up being a Kshatriya while a Kshatriya's son could end up being a baniya etc. Also, even town planning was done in a way that all the people with related skills stayed together. This is further corroborated by several street names that exist even today. This not only made societal sense in terms of easy planning of town and facilities required in an area but also business sense in terms of clustering

Now, what does this tell me? Guys and girls from the same caste were in close proximity and had enough chance to interact with each other, observe each others' response to situations and other people. It gave them time and opportunity to evaluate each other. Also, the girls in the same caste understood the work life of her partner because she sees it day in and day out. She understands the difficulties, the opportunities, the up side and downside. So, it made sense for the same caste guy and girl to come together and say I understand you and I think we can make our lives easier, more pleasant and make it a journey worthwhile to be made together. 

Why it makes absolutely no sense to me
Slowly the caste system got corrupted in India. No surprises there! Any system in India is susceptible to corruption just like how any iron is susceptible to rusting. It is only a matter of time in both the cases. So it just took some time for the greedy Kings and ministers who wanted their sons and daughters to be with them. So they made caste system birth based rather than merit based. Then again, time wreaked havoc and we are in a state where it is a kichdi of the previous eras. While caste is based on birth, the work I do is not. The logical relationship between caste and work is abolished while the illogical relationship between caste and birth is still withheld. So, to find a partner in this kichdi world is to get married to a stranger who by birth is in the same caste which makes no sense to me. 

I find it logical for a guy to marry a girl from the same profession. Though this is not necessary, I find it at least appealing. But the idea of marrying a girl about who you have no idea is appalling. If you guys find any relationship between the castes of the guy/girl to get married to one another, please let me know! I will at least change the title of this post if you convince me.

27 comments:

Paan Singh Tomar - Movie Review

12:22 AM Shanky 2 Comments


There are no beautiful foreign locations, no cleavage shown, no dancing around the bush or even beating around the bush. Will this movie appeal to you - the common man? Surprisingly, it does! That’s the surprise element in this movie. Three cheers to the director and his team for having had the confidence in the fans of Indian cinema to have attempted this movie. Irrfan just did what he does the best in any movie - act with panache and elegance. Only this man can add elegance to a completely pedestrian role. The ease with which he has slipped himself into the hood of Paan Singh Tomar is amazing to say the least. He brings out the ignorance in a simple village man who takes words on the face value and not the conceited meaning that it was delivered with.
Paan Singh is the underdog athlete who joins Indian Army, where his talent is spotted and nurtured in a very Indian way. Like the humble Bihari friends who clear JEE and Civil Services exams without much fuss, Paan Singh smashes records at the athletic events he participates. A simple, humble man who is running to win medals, one day decides to run against the system for his life and his prestige. A not so uncommon family brawl turns ugly and Paan Singh is left with nowhere to go and is humiliated by the government support system. A citizen who thought his life is protected by the government is left to fend for himself and that is when Paan Singh turns to his strength and plays the system as per his strengths rather than by the rules.
When you are going to base a movie on one man and his life, it becomes apparent that he needs to carry the movie through his acting. Also, the hidden gem in delivering such a performance lies with the cinematographer and he has done a supremely awesome job in this movie. True, that there was no necessity to try anything 'out of the box' for such a straight forward plot. But don't forget that even restraint is a skill that is far from easy to acquire. Virender Sehwag is the living example of this. Kept it simple, easy on the eyes and close ups when required and you feel you are one of the Bhaagis in Paan Singh's gang.
This movie brings out the fact that fame without money is powerless in India. The neglect that the sports figures of this country face is quite evident when everyone in the theater left when the prologue is being played after the climax. Nobody gives a damn what happened with the real Paan Singh. Nobody cares what happens to our athletes while we shamelessly crib about the lack of medals in Olympics and other world events. Our athletes are people like you and me who are as patriotic as you and me, if not more. This movie is just a small example of the ill treatment that is meted to our heroes. A must watch!

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