Circular Love

5:30 PM Shanky 5 Comments


Courtesy - Google Images

"So you can add this to the list of things only you and I know" said Satish and Anu looked up from his shoulder with her wide beautiful eyes. Those were like restless blacktip reef sharks; scanning his eyes in horizontal motion. Without saying a word She slid down a little, kissed his bare chest, rested her head on it. He knew what it meant; it meant - "I love you", that "I am closer to you than anyone else in this world", that "she will shed a lone tear of joy" wetting his barren chest and then kiss it again to make it wetter. Yet he tilted his head to direct his gaze on her saffron tinted hair partition and asked with a puzzled tone, "What?" He knew this will make her happier and it made him feel like the creator of happiness. Had he just reflected his understanding of her emotion then it would mean he had deciphered her, She is a simple being whose emotions are deciphered easily and then her mysterious nature is lost. The relationship from then on becomes stale and no more interesting. So Satish played along and asked her again, this time more a cajole than a puzzled bewilderment, "What?" She shook her head which made the single tear she had concealed and controlled till now to fall off her eyelids like the single dew drop in the morning grass that bends the blade of the grass with its weight and perseverance to be dropped off into the earth, its rightful place. He did not press any further but just smiled and kissed her head again, squeezed her closer to him. He knew, that is all that she wanted and acted like he had preserved the mystery about her lone tear while the fact is he knew it.

Their game was flagged off, without any balloons, crackers, flashy dancers or gymnasts, a simple beginning to a complex life together. Satish and Anu had a simple wedding so that they can save money for this luxury called home. Satish had refused the home that Anu's father offered and instead bought this humble home in the suburbs. It was normal days over the week for Satish who was a professional photographer. His work load was jagged and he defines his work as he usually freelances a lot. Photography also helped him in his Personal life as he seldom spoke and Anu loved him for that. She knew he understood everything and still didnot have to use words to describe it in real life as in his profession. 

However Anu felt something weird about the house. She could not call it a home yet as something was disturbing her. She felt like she is being constantly watched over and she even searched the entire house for any hidden cameras. Not that she did not trust Satish but she was wary of his practical jokes of clicking what she considered to be ugly photos of her. One day she felt like a pair of gleaming eyes were fixated on her, from a far off land someone was watching her. Aliens are an alien concept to her, "but anything is possible these days" she thought to herself. Satish dismissed this by joking about how she is now missing her family and that girls are never satisfied with her husband alone. Anu would smack him with a roti stick or a spatula whichever is nearer and Satish again had to act like he is hurt. But this insecure feeling was growing despite the best efforts by Satish to rubbish it. It was too much to bear when she refused to open the windows, shades or worst of it all she wanted to keep the light going in nights. To Satish this was ridiculous and he tried reasoning it with her. Anu was thinking Satish has grown insensitive to her feelings and Satish was getting too frustrated to play the loving and caring husband. 

Anu could no longer take this growing feeling of insecurity and called her dad. Within no time her dad had collected all the particulars about the building and the neighbors, the construction contractor, the land ownership the previous owners etc. To his horror he found that the house has been constructed after demolishing a ladies hostel. The hostel was notorious for the suspicious deaths more than two decades ago. Unclaimed and unregistered skeletons were found in the compound when the construction had began. When the facts came out it was horrible and unbelievable. One of the reasons why the land and home came cheap was the negative publicity that it had garnered over a decade ago. However, like many things in India, this too was then forgotten and gone with the wind. Anu's dad was furious, more with him than with Satish, for letting them take this house. He was offering them a duplex in a very posh area in the city and thought he should have tried more to convince Satish. After all, his only daughter is now bearing the brunt for the mistake he and Satish had committed. It killed him to see his daughter this way - haggard and worn out. He ordered Satish to vacate this house and move into the one he has got for them. 

For Satish though, this is a matter of self-respect than it is of ego and he places his self respect beyond anyone living in this world. Had it been ego it would have been easier to forego ,than self-respect, for the love of his life. No one could understand this simply because they were not Satish. They had different ideals, different way of life, different view of the world. Anu was torn between the two most important people of her life. It was not so much black and white as it is for her father or Satish. It was all grey, she thinks with her heart and it would beat once for Satish while the other time for her dad. Anu's dad realised that this fight is only deteriorating Anu, apparently for whose welfare he was fighting it for. So he proposed a compromise, he would bring in a priest to do some ceremony to get rid of the bad spirits that is following his daughter. Though the rational part of Satish was hurt, he was ready to let go of his rationality for Anu. This was a fair and far better deal than leaving this house which would have destroyed his self-respect.

An auspicious date was fixed and the priest arrived with his cronies to perform the ceremony which costed them more than their wedding. But he did not mind as long as he was not bothered to recite any mantras. It was a business, this spiritual ceremony, and anything can be arranged as per customer's specifications. Satish was indeed not involved in this irrational activity. He had to take the day off though, which was no big deal for him. In fact it gave him the chance to witness this funny custom and make fun of it later, when everything was over. He was in his bedroom reading snow leopard by Peter Matthiessen, for the tenth time, when something caught his eye. A small glint, a shine of reflection of the sun, a twinkle. It was there just for a second and then it disappeared. Without any sudden movement he casually flipped his book to the side flung himself out of bed and went to the other room. He asked Anu to go to the bedroom to get his book and he watched from the window of the other room. He caught it again and this time he was sure from where it came. The reflection of the sun from a telephoto lens, for a trained photographer's eyes, was not difficult to catch in broad daylight. He should have taken a day off earlier, he now felt. Anu returned with the book. He made an excuse of the smoke inside the house and that he is going out for fresh air. 

When he returned, he had a broken lens and a camera in his hands; a drop of tear and blood on his knuckles. The puja had done its work! No more stalking eyes, no more worry about Anu's fear. The priest was indeed powerful! That night Satish was happy and Anu was relaxed. Anu was resting her face on his shoulder and listening to Satish who narrated the entire episode and then he said "So you can add this to the list of things only you and I know"

5 comments:

Before The Rain - Movie Review

8:12 PM Shanky 2 Comments

When we think about time scientifically it is the unit used to specify rates like the rate of change of velocity is acceleration . Philosophically, I think it is circular. Circularity of time has many takers and nature is one of them. The repeating of seasons, day & night are all examples for cyclicity of time. We also observe cyclicity of time in the stages of man's life as depicted by Shakespeare in his seven stages of life which is also incidentally described in Sanskrit vedas (Remember the Rajnikanth song about stages in life?). But when I look at an hour glass, the past is so vast (the bottom of the glass) and future is so vast (the top, of course) while the present is a tiny narrow opening with constant change. It is like everything that happens in life is compressed to a single point in time that our human brains cannot comprehend and hence is expanded by us to experience and enunciate the happenings at that point of time. I know you are wondering why am I blabbering this in a movie review. I am not blabbering! This is what happened inside me, the argument that my mind was having with itself, pulling its hair, searching for more philosophies about time and existence. This is what you will be doing after watching this great movie - Before the Rain.

The film is in three parts - Words, Faces & Pictures. Each word perfectly describes each part with both subtle and in your "face" cues. Each part portrays a love story that is affected, either directly or indirectly, by the conflict happening in the Balkan region. Except for the second part, in which the story is based in London, the other two are shot in Macedonia. The Macedonian born director & writer,  Milčo Mančevski, has done a master piece that is quite possibly one of the best movies that you never heard about! After watching the movie you might either dismiss it as a noob's directorial venture where he did not even pay heeds to editing or you might appreciate his delving deeper into the philosophy of time. One sentence "Time doesn't wait and the circle is not round", that is repeated in the movie either pictorially or verbally, is the corner stone of the movie which eliminates the doubt about the editing skills deployed in this one. 

This is one of those movies which ought to be seen with friends and later to be discussed over drinks. Many sites or so called movie buffs have discussed the genius of Nolan and his idea in Inception while a similar euphoria might be absent for this movie it has done well in international circuits. Everytime I have tried to watch this movie, which is thrice in the past week alone, I have discovered something that I had missed earlier that is obvious. When I tried to decipher the movie, with my brain that has been trained in linear thinking and sequential philiospohy of time in which one thing leads to the other, I laughed like a mad person. I won't analyse more about this movie or the cinematography or music. It will not do justice to this very well made movie to say the least. All I can say is that this movie will drive you nuts in a good positive way, make you want to travel to the shores of Adriatic and make you wonder why are such movies not screened let alone made in India!?

2 comments:

The Long Road Home

6:04 PM Shanky 0 Comments


This is a continuation from my travelogue about Kanchanaburi . 

After a great trip to Kanchanaburi, the paradise that is almost forgotten by tourists, it was time to pack the bags and hit the road home. Have you noticed that the start of the trip is always full of energy and it gets to zero towards the end. What took like 2 seconds to reach the destination from home seems like 2 years while returning!? Well, I guess we all feel that way. But this journey back from Kanchanaburi was as eventful and adrenaline pumping as my onward journey was and hence this day turned out to be an awesome one with good lot of experiences in itself. whoever said that the journey is as important as the destination was a genius!

A pleasant surprise awaited me when I boarded the bus at Kanchanaburi which will take me to Suphanburi. The bus was loaded with Dutch, Deutsche and Brit backpacking students (Of course all girls). I could not believe this! This is the perfect platform to complete Operation Good Indian. I am just disgusted or frustrated by the foreigners who think they know all about India and Indians and pass 'smart ass' judgements. I am seriously pissed! I have been browsing the Lonely planet's thorntree forum for sometime now and the kind of image that foreigners have of India(ns) is pathetic. I just kept to myself and my book till the conductor was asking them 5THB extra than the usual 45THB. Now is the time to be the good samaritan and make my country proud! I jumped in (albeit in a less than heroic way) and asked the conductor in my master class Thai about the extra he was demanding. He explained that these ladies are going to Singburi and not Suphanburi. I got confused and asked him if this bus goes till Singburi and he said yes (or so I thought). I then explained the 5THB difference to them and they were happy. After that two of the girls were chatting with me for a few minutes and everything was silent again. Mission Good Indian accomplished!

But this does not end here for us. As it happens, the bus did not go till Singburi and the conductor pocketed the extra 5THB per passenger in his pocket. His beer for the night has been sponsored by naive farangs. I was sure by now that the girls looked at me as an accomplice to the sham. Shame on such people, be it Thais or Indians who make others look bad! But fate did not let me ponder too much on this, he had better plans. Once we alighted the bus, we saw a deserted bus station and the tuk tuk guys were literally all over us offering a ride to the best hotel. Yes, the last bus has left for the day and we were stranded in Suphanburi for the night! Though I knew that cheap taxi exists only in an utopian world, being the optimist I am I led the group (of me and the girls) inside the bus station to fend for taxi or any such alternative. Of course, it was exorbhitantly priced and we had to reject it. But the trouble was I was talking in broken Thai and the girls did not understand a bit. They only understood the outcome, which was that they cannot afford the taxi at that price. Here is a stranger who looks like he is helping but there is nothing coming out of his acts. Obviously anyone would be suspicious now and they started giving me the looks (Of course the nasty ones). 

I ignored those vile looks anyway, I had a bigger problem to worry about than their looks. I am a guy and they are girls. Obviously the whole world will be ready to help them while people will be laughing at my problem. India Vs Rest of World is over and Boys Vs Girls has started in my mind! I come out of the bus station dejected, trying to flag down a car or something! Just then I saw a familiar face. But that guy was trying to hide or at least get out of my view. My heart was jumping with joy and did a reverse somersault. I blurted out pointing my finger at him - "Hey you! you are Taxi driver from Ang thong?! I know you". He just replied with a wide eyed shake of his head. This was my lucky break and I cannot let it go, so I persisted "I know you. You take to Karaoke". Now he identifies me, "Yeah! But no taxi. Taxi in Bangkok flood!" I muttered a few expletives at the flood this time and asked him "How you go Ang Thong?" Now, to communicate to a Thai who "knows" English, you need to talk like them. It might be perceived as mocking but what the hell, it gets the job done better! So screw the grammar. Make it a lean sentence with only essential information so that his brain can process it quickly. It really helps!

Now, after this he agreed to call his friend who has a pickup truck and drop me at my colony doorstep. He is the guy who my friends and I used to hire when we felt like going to the Karaoke bars in Ang Thong for a weekend drink. So we have given him a lot of business and he better not mess with me :P We are to split the pickup truck cost, to which I happily agreed. Now, the girls were there when the negotiations were happening and have by now confirmed I am a total jerk who in the mask of helping them was trying to rip off money from them. Now that I cannot, I am just fleeing. So, after securing myself it was Mission Good Indian again. I asked my taxi driver "friend" if he has any more friends with pickup trucks to help these lovely ladies. He gave them some numbers and asked them to call. By that time our pick up truck had come. I guess the numbers had worked cause the two who chatted me in the bus were now smiling and waving. Dear Farangs/Phirangs, Indians are not bad. We stare at you because you are different just the same reason why you travel to India (and stare at her) because she is different. 

Falcon calling Mother - Operation Good Indian complete. Returning to base!

0 comments:

Kanchanaburi - Forgotten Paradise!

9:06 PM Shanky 2 Comments


5th Tier of Erawan Water Fall

It has been three weekends and no travel! I was beginning to get antsy and was bitching about the floods that has got every frickin road out of Ang Thong closed down. But enough is enough, I am going this weekend and noone can stop me - not the floods, not the manager who refused to give the vehicle to the next town, not even the guest house manager who was paranoid about me drowning and dying in a foreign country! My friends and I had chosen Kanchanaburi for the weekend. With so many national parks, the river Kwae and cheap accommodation it is a great place to unwind after a hard working week or even a partying week. Getting to Kanchanaburi from Bangkok is a no-brainer, as is getting to most places in Thailand from Bangkok. But getting to Kanchanaburi from Ang Thong requires extensive research and mastery over google technology. By google technology, I mean your ability to vary your search string based on the output and finally hitting jackpot based on trial and error. Being an MBA and having done this for most of my projects - data research and otherwise, I can safely say I know a little something about Google tech.

After extensive research I found that the route is Ang Thong - Suphanburi - Kanchanaburi. The good thing about Thailand, though rarely documented, is the connectivity between provincial HQs. There are myriads of options at regular intervals. Only downside being they close quite early! Last transport can be as early as 5pm and after that you are stranded at the place searching for cheap shelter or cheaper taxi. Chances of getting a cheaper taxi is as much as sighting moon on a new moon day. I started very early on Saturday morning so that I can have maximum time at Kanchanaburi for the day. Cheap bus option from Ang thong took me to Suphanburi and cost me 27 THB and 60 minutes. Suphanburi has a decent bus station with eating options and a clean restroom. From suphanburi it took me 45 THB and 1.5 hours to reach Kanchanaburi. 

Bridge Over River Kwae
After a futile search, for Sam's guesthouse, on the bike taxi all along the Thamakarm road I gave up and asked the bike guy to drop me at the deathrailway. This is the site of famous bridge over the river kwae; shot into popularity by the hollywood movie of the same name. The place does have a vibe to it, especially after having read so much about it. Clicked some pics, had Thai style grilled chicken, Thai coffe and then off to War cemetry. In true backpacker style, my walk to war cemetry was broken by Sams. I had found it!! I went in, booked a room and the AC was more convincing than the noon sun. So I decided to catch a nap which also meant I will not be able to see the cemetry in this trip. Meanwhile my friends from Bangkok had arrived. After lunch we hired a taxi to take to hell fire pass, Sai Yok National park and a cave. The route to Sai Yok was scenic and had lots and lots of landscape photo op!

River Kwae
We finished the night with some great drinks at the cracker's aussie bar. I am always fascinated by these expats who leave their country and settle down in another country for retirement. The owner of this bar was a jolly fellow from Aussie land and we had some Brits for company as well. Man Utd was playing that night and we witnessed heated discussion about Aussie rules football vs real soccer. I tasted Malibu for the first time and fell in love with it! It was good night time and we had to start early as those guys wanted to sneak a peek at the bridge and then go to Erawan National Park. 

Next day was awesome for more than one reason (reasons in the next post). We took the 8 am bus from Kanchanaburi to Erawan and reached after an hour's ride. The journey was scenic and a little tiring. We had a 3 km trek ahead of us (both ways) to cover the entire park and see all the seven tiers of the Erawan water falls. The falls, the water, the jungle - the setting is just mesmerising and you will not repent the 200THB park entry fee. It has been well maintained as well with clear directions to each level. The hike gets a bit tricky after tier 4 and is not for casual/relaxed sauntering. While coming back I was tired and rejuvenated myself by taking a dip in the second level water fall infested by hungryfishes that will nibble at your dead skin. We were descending from the seventh level around 12pm and could see why it is a good idea to reach this place early. Tourists, Ze Germans in particular, swarm this place in huge numbers from noon. It is like the mongol hordes raiding the wealthy nations. You see hot german blondes to grandmas in their swim suits and bikinis complete with Spanish style flower on the side of their head begin to crowd the pools of the waterfall.

Painting on the wall of restaurant
After the tiring hike we headed to one of the restaurants near the bus station in Erawan. This place served the best Khao Phad Khai (chicken fried rice) that I have had till date. Maybe it is the fatigue and hunger! I also loved the paintings in the walls of this restaurant. It was time to leave and we went separate ways after reaching Kanchanaburi; my friends to Bangkok and I to Ang Thong. So time to head back home and another run of the mill week at work. But the travel bug is back with a vengence!

2 comments:

A Rainbow in the Night - Book Review

9:09 PM Shanky 2 Comments


Even as a kid, my fascination towards the big cats was unexplainable. I have no clue why, but I think it might be due to the character of Bhagira in Jungle book. As I grew up, I was fascinated by the countries which had these big cats in large numbers. That and reading about Gandhiji's ashram in SA and colonization of African countries increased my fascination and a sense of brotherhood towards African nations. I think they will be able to understand the Indian way of life better because they have suffered the same difficulties that we Indians have suffered. This fascination and the sense of brotherhood drove me towards buying "A Rainbow in the Night: Mandela and the tumultuous birth of South Africa" at the Mumbai airport when I was waiting for my Kolkata flight almost 5 months back! 

Some books/authors try to analyze a situation from what they see now and try to behave like they are the messengers of god - giving out solutions and how the problems can be resolved. Most of the self help books fall into this category and I try to avoid them. Some books look deeper into the situation try to analyze what was the starting point, take a macro view and then drill deep into the current state of affairs. I love such books and in fact that is how even I think sometimes. Asking why is a disease that I have developed over the years and I am truly happy to have contracted it. Dominique Lapierre hits the bulls eye in this book with his approach to recording the notorious events that marked some of the dark times in South African history. The narrative is a mixture of story telling and reality TV styles. In story telling he transports you to an era where the Voortrekkers first embarked on a historic trek across Africa to find the promised land for their race. The reality TV comes into play when he describes the real life stories of some of the unsung heroes of the apartheid period. 

Success of any major movement has three very essential ingredients - A designated leader, non-designated leaders and supporters. By supporters I mean sympathisers from the other side of the table who see the rationale behind the movement. Take independence movement in India - M.K. Gandhi was the designated leader, Subramaniam Bharathiyar, The trio of Lal, Bal, Pal and many others were the non-designated leaders and there were many sympathisers from the British side who helped as well. Identifying all of these group gives you a clearer picture and is the least that humanity can do to pay respect to the movement as whole! M.K. Gandhi might be the father of the nation but without the other two ingredients he might have just been another brick in the wall! This book (don't let the title, Mandela and the tumultuous birth of South Africa, deceive you) does exactly the same. It tells you why Mandela is a celebrated leader of SA, who were the unsung heroes and who are the sympathizers who made it possible for the nation to reemerge from its ashes. By identifying the sympathizers there is one other important duty that this book or any such book performs. It eradicates the backlash of hatred and reduces stereotyping!

I always thought these designated leaders are just overhyped! I mean, they could not have achieved what they achieved without the help of others, is it not? I had a similar notion about Mandela and I held the notion for most part of the book. But during the later parts, when SA just gets rid of apartheid and grapples with the myriad problems that comes with sudden freedom, this book highlights why Mandela is a leader! Instead of writing a whole lot about it, let me just say Mandela is an awesome leader! Invictus gave me a peep into his leadership qualities and this book just seals it! When you hear an idea and think "That's so simple! I assumed that might have been tried already!", it means that is the most simplest yet most powerful idea to solve the problem. One such is the idea of doing away with courts and implementing something even more basic - a reconciliation center for the crimes committed during apartheid. Imagine, someone having the conviction and courage to think of such a bold idea! Such was the audacity of the non-designated leaders that Mandela could turn to in times of crisis. Man in point - Desmond Tutu, Nobel prize winner. How strong must a Caucasian woman (Speech therapist) be to adopt an entire black township which lacks anything that will be labelled as basic amenity in today's world. She not only adopts it but also transforms the women there to unleash the potential leaders in them. 'Mama' Helen gives us all a lesson or two about transformational leadership. Many such personalities, ideas and leaders adorn this book. 

This book will emote you, inspire you and make you think about how you treat everyone around you. It orders you to be humble, requests you to show compassion and respect to others. Any day I will recommend this book. A definite must read for any human being who can read! Regarding the downsides, I could not find any. Next time you go to a book store just grab a copy of this book and read it! It is better than the average bestseller novels and is definitely not boring like the documentary type history books. Dominique Lapierre just stormed into my list of favorite authors and I am definitely going to read all his books starting with Freedom at midnight next :)

2 comments:

Eat Pray Love - Movie Review

4:51 AM Shanky 3 Comments

If you want to wager with me and win, here is the secret: Show me a Julia Roberts movie and challenge me not to fall in love with her acting/character. You can even extort my entire salary at times! She is so good at what she does. Be it the struggling mother and activist in Erin Brockovich or the high flying actress in Notting Hill or the distressed lady in Eat Pray Love, Julia does it supremely well. The movie based on a book by the same name revovles around her and is another Julia Roberts treat for her fans. But is it enough for others?

Elizabeth (Liz), played by Julia Roberts, is a professionally successful PR who is struggling with her personal life. When shit happens and hits the fan, she decides to travel and travel in style. She decides a theme for her travel, Lonely Planet/Globe Trotter style - Eat. Pray. Love. The movie follows Liz in her glorious journey to rediscover herself through new experiences and learns to fall in love again. Of course she did not know what will happen during her journey and she ends her journey with a new born belief in "connecting the dots in your life" theory. 

Peeping into her past gives us a few hints to how she chooses her travel destinations. Even without the flashback or the hints the choice of her destinations is not surprising. Liz chooses to eat in Italy, pray in India and love in Bali. The choices were quite apt/obvious considering the reputation for the these places in the US where the protagonist lives. She starts in Italy where she befriends a few locals and a swedish girl. The Italy that the movie portrays is the place of dream for anyone! Beautiful Roman buildings, street side bistros and mouth watering pizzas! The concept of crossing over explained through a single beautiful sounding word "attraversiamo" is excellent! But my favourite part about Italy is the one where they explain how to learn Italian! The series of visuals that describes the so called "Body language" of Italian language and the music that accompanies will definitely put a smile on your face. 

The movie then follows Liz into one of the most vibrant countries, India, to pray and seek some serious inner peace. You would naturally expect a riot of colors, festivities to be interlaced with the whole inner peace thing. You are in for some disappointing portrayal of India!This part of the movie is the most dullest. They never really show any part of India. Almost the entire part is shot indoors in some god forsaken Ashram. Nothing much to write about except for the realization of balance that Julia attains through her recitation of Gita and meditation. There is also this old man who joins Julia in a quest to get a new life at the Ashram. I could not see any chemistry or friendship between the two and he overacts in his last scene as far as I can say. Perhaps, this is what the real Elizabeth experienced and hence is best for the movie. Perhaps, this is the best part for a few troubled souls. But I did not watch this movie to get any gyaan and I was not happy with this part. I usually do reruns of my favourite movies or parts of movies and whenever I do a rerun of this movie, I am sure I will skip this part. By now I was a little bored and paused the movie a few times to refresh facebook and Gmail (hint).

Then comes magical Bali! As Liz's friend in Bali says, "Everyone has a love affair in Bali :-)" It is here that she meets an emotional, good looking, Spanish jewellery exporter by accident (quite literally). Of course, with the Spanish accent, his charm and an exotic, excellent bossa nova version of "S' wonderful" playing in the background Felipe,played by Javier, wins over Liz. Bali, like Italy, is shown in all its glory! The lighting is just great, the colors are vibrant,music is soothing. Perfecto! Bali gets such attention from the director maybe because the whole story starts from Bali. It is here a year ago, when on work, Liz meets a fortune teller (called Ketut) and he predicts that she will return in one year to Bali to teach him English. Also, it is here in Bali that Liz truly rediscovers herself and meets some interesting and wonderful characters - like the divorced traditional Balinese physician. Julia collects & donates a hefty sum to this divorced mother so that she could start a new life. 

Cinematography and music highlights the importance of the events in any movie; more so in a travel based one. Both these aspects are good and this is one of the movies whose background score also sticks in your mind. Not in an Inception kind of way but in a very softer mode. Julia, I will say it again, has done superbly well (Yes I am prejudiced). She beautifully portrays the plight of the protagonist in the scene where she abruptly wakes up from her bed and prays to god with desperation, "Dear God, I know we have not spoken that much. But I need you now. Just tell me what to do and I will do". I am sure all of us have had such moments of desperation when having to make difficult choices and we want someone else to make the decision and make it easier for us. Who better than God to confide to, who lest assured wont divulge your plight to others and make fun of you later! Casting of the supporting actors, whose interactions and interventions can elevate or destroy (as in the case of "No one killed Jessica")the movie experience, has been good in this movie. With the exception of the Old man in Indian Ashram and the divorced physician in Bali I liked everyone else. 

Bottomline - Is it a great movie? No. But its a decent enough movie which can be watched at least once. Will I watch it again - Yes, but without the Indian part :)

3 comments:

Yaadhum Oorae (All Towns are One!)

9:55 PM Shanky 3 Comments


During my short tour to Bangkok over the past weeks and relentless wikitravel browsing I found striking similarities that Thailand shows vis-a-vis my mother land, India. I am definitely not comparing, merely contemplating about what brought about these similarities. Some of these similarities can be explained while others can be viewed as logical extensions and few others may be just stretching the fact (Globe or Gas, as we call it in B-school lingo). Here are a few observations from my side:

Ramayana
One of two great epics in India which enunciates how to rule a country through the portrayal of its protagonist - Lord Ram. The same exists here in Thailand in the name of Ramakian (Glory of Rama) and paintings of scenes from Ramakian adore the temple walls of Wat Phra Kew. Wiki says the following about Ramakien, "While the main story is identical to that of the Ramayana, many other aspects were transposed into a Thai context, such as the clothes, weapons, topography, and elements of nature, which are described as being Thai in style."



Karthigai
Wikipedia says, "Karthikai Deepam is a festival of lights celebrated by Tamil Hindus on the full moon day of Karthikai month (November/December), which is observed in every home and in every temple. This occurs on the day when the moon is in conjunction with the constellation Karthigai (Pleiades) and purnima." The Thais also have a similar custom during the same time of the year called Loy Krathong -"Loi Krathong takes place on the evening of the full moon of the 12th month in the traditional Thai lunar calendar. In the western calendar this usually falls in November." It also says this about the origin of the Loi Krathong - "...the originally Brahmanical festival was adapted by Buddhists in Thailand as a ceremony to honour the original Buddha, Siddhartha Guatama." 

Mythology
There are some awesome mythological creatures in Hindu religion. Candidates worth being depicted in badassoftheweek.com. One such noteworthy creature is Garuda - The eagle/Kite incarnation of devas with intelligence that equals humans. As you might have guessed by now, Garuda is present in the Buddhist mythology as well and like in Indian mythology they have an eternal conflict with the Nagas! Thailand has gone one up on India on this one and have made Garuda their national symbol! 

Garuda might be an awesome creature, but the most loved and revered mythological god in Hindu scene is Lord Ganesh - the elephant god! Elephant is the national animal of Thailand. Keeping aside the commercial exploitation of elephants, Thai people love elephants. In fact a lot of temples have Ganesha at their entrance (just as they are depicted in India). However, as some of the atheists in India claim, Ganesha was not part of the mythological scene in many of our ancient scriptures and they renounced Ganesha as an Indian god. This claim makes me think that may be Ganesha was an import from Thailand to India :)

The Connection
So these are some of the dots that I found in the first one month in Thailand. How do they connect? I did some more digging and found that Indian religion and culture has had far reaching influence than what we think today it has. A line from wikipedia about Thailand's history reads thus:
 "Similar to other regions in Southeast Asia, it was heavily influenced by the culture and religions of India, starting with the kingdom of Funan around the 1st century CE." 

There is more to it. The direct references of Ramayana (not just in Thailand but also in Indonesia and Cambodia) is a great trail to follow and I found that the ancient kingdom of Cholas from Tamilnadu spread across the modern day SE Asia.Though the heart of the Cholas were the immensely fertile basin of river Kaveri, they had reached as far as Cambodia while they were in their peak of influence. Wikipedia claims "The Chola dynasty was at the peak of its influence and power during the medieval period...  Rajaraja Chola I and Rajendra Chola I extended the Chola kingdom beyond the traditional limits of a Tamil kingdom. At its peak, the Chola Empire stretched from the island of Sri Lanka in the south to the Godavari-Krishna basin in the north, up to the Konkan coast in Bhatkal, the entire Malabar Coast in addition to Lakshadweep, Maldives and vast areas of Chera country.  In addition Rajendra's territories included the area falling on the Ganges-Hooghly-Damodar basin, large parts of Burma, Thailand, Indo-China Laos, Kambodia, the Malay peninsula and Indonesia."

Hence my dear friends, the relationship between us and the SE Asia nations extends beyond the noodles, rice and cooking! Apart from the dots mentioned here there are many similarities in the day-today practices as well. For example, Like in India, Thai people also consider their feet to be dirtier than other parts and hence it is disrespectful to point your feet at someone or even point it at a thing. If only we can understand the golden words of Kaniyan Poongunranar better - "Yaadhum oorae yaavarum kelir" (To us all towns are one, all men our kin), we wont be calling them Chinkis and they wont be calling as Farangs. 

3 comments:

Interesting Journey

6:01 PM Shanky 1 Comments


The real driver

On my first visit to Bangkok, I met with a 50 year old taxi driver who claimed to be an ex-Muay Thai boxer. I have my own reservations about how much I should believe him. But this is not about his integrity or even ethics. He was a friendly taxi driver I hailed to take me to Mo Chit BTS station (commonly known as Mo Chit 2) from Mo Chit bus terminal. He was chatting away from the beginning in his broken English like many other taxi drivers. I usually feel sad for old men to go work in jobs like these, I don’t know why. I want them to sit back in a rocking chair and while their time away adoring their grand children. Working as a taxi driver or a table cleaner in a restaurant where grumpy jackass customers scold you or scowl at you is not how I like the elders to spend their old age. Especially the nice ones must be endowed with a beach bungalow where they can sip on some lemon ice tea, listen to Bob Marley or some music like that and just stare at the horizon. Whatever I may wish for them, the reality is that this gentleman is still working in one of the ugliest professions where every driver is abused by the commuters for cheating them. This thought of compassion (I don’t know how else to put this feeling) made me listen to him rather than just ask him to shut up!

He started with his work profile and started asking about what I do etc. Apparently he was a chauffeur for wealthy financial services managers in Bangkok. His previous employers were working in Standard Chartered and Deutsch bank and both were farangs (read: Expats/foreigners). He has also travelled the world as a boxer including a trip to Pakistan, he claimed. Then he said he does not smoke or drink but admitted he has a sweet tooth and even showed me the assortment of sweet buns and cookies he had stashed away in the glove compartment. I was smiling all the while, nodding at the right places and even acted surprised when he showed me the cookies. That was the least I could do for this jolly old man; give some time and attention during the travel. But all the travel guides that I had read and all the advise that I had listened to, from colleagues, pointed to one rule - always be wary of people who are friendlier than required. But that day I was to learn that there are exceptions to every rule!

He was fascinated that I work in Ang Thong province and told me his native is in that province as well. Apparently he is fed up with Bangkok and wanted to move closer home. The fast life and the traffic is not what he can take at this stage in life. I can completely understand what he meant though the language he spoke was not spot-on. This is when he asked me if I had a car in Ang Thong. I told him that I was new (and immediately regretted it . I had made a mistake; now he will take me via a longer route and ask more money!) and that I cannot afford one now. He then said something that really moved me, "Sir whenever you buy car please call me. I am a good driver! I no drink. I no smoke. Give little money. I want to go country side. Bangkok - too much traffic, not good." His voice radiated sincerity and earnestness which made me feel sad. I told him I will be buying a car sometime in my life. This somehow brightened him up. He then gave me his number and took mine as well and said, "Please call me sir. I good driver" Pangs of guilt immediately started pricking me. I know I am going to be here for 3 months only and I have kindled a ray of hope in this poor fellow. A hope that I know will be put off sooner than later. I felt really bad for doing this to the guy. 

While we were crawling through the Bangkok traffic he was repeating his plea to employ him as my driver. He did not have a resume or talk about his achievements but just the way he was persistent about his ability to drive well and the sincerity with which he said those words will make anyone give him a job. And I knew I won’t be able to live with the guilt that I gave him hope and then crushed it. I have done that enough number of times in my life to many people who I know, I loved and have regretted later for giving them the hope. So, I gathered some courage and told him that I am not here for long and that I will be leaving. I guess he wanted the job very badly, even this admittance did not deter him. He then asked me "When you come back?" I replied that I might not come back at all but still he persisted "OK. U come back and buy car. Then call me sir. I good driver" I said "Ok, I will" He then said "Thank you sir, Mr. San" (I had shortened my name for him so that he can say it easily)

Finally the taxi reached the station gates and it was time to pay up. Panic struck again inside me and I was thinking he will demand more money now. According to the rule he was too earnest and more than friendly, so he must fleece me. Half expecting him to raise the fare, I gave him the fare that the meter showed. He took the money and said "Thank you sir. Thank you Mr. San. You call me, OK." Another pang and I feel a heavy stomach, dry throat and awe at the optimism this old man was showing. Like they say, the journey is more important than the destination. A petty commute from bus station to BTS station and this will definitely be in my memory forever. I sincerely pray that the guy get a better job than this and live his life in peace. Amen!

1 comments:

Sawatdee Khrap!

5:58 PM Shanky 2 Comments

Courtesy: Google Images

Courtesy: wikitravel


This is the first time my Indian issued passport is going to get a foreign stamp or should I say "Farang" stamp as they say here in Thailand ;)? Thanks to the company I am working for, I will be in Angthong province in Thailand for a 3 month training stint. Angthong is around 110 kms from Bangkok and so weekends are not going to be sober ;) But only after coming here I discover that even weekdays need not be sober :) So on 18 Sept, 2011 early hours I started my epic journey to Thailand. Thanks to Air India, we were delayed and practically held hostage at the Mumbai International airport for over 3 hours after scheduled departure time (I was so pissed off that I could have slapped any employee who had the guts to justify with some stupid reason).

After the delay, tiring flight and some 4.5 hours of time later we arrived at the Suvarnabhumi airport, Bangkok. I was too tired by now to be even psyched about being there! Damn you - Air India! After the usual airport checks me and my friend (he is to be stationed 15 min from the nearest skytrain station in Bangkok!! Lucky Bugger!) were searching for our company placard holding driver! And to our horror neither of our drivers spoke English!! After dancing around in the name of sign language we got into our cabs and drove towards our respective destinations.

So with no Thai from my side and no English from their side most of my conversations with factory workers, drivers or shop owners were like Sunday 2:00 pm DD news! But I love to learn new languages and so, I started off with internet (www.learningthai.com) and it was pretty useful. Unlike Indian languages, Thai is a tonal language and pretty difficult to master without you actually hearing them speak the words. That is where learningthai.com was better than other sites and they usually have an Romanised version of the Thai word phrase or sentence and on clicking the Thai version of it, you can also hear a native guy speak the word out to you.

So, equipped with some basic Thai and loaded with some Baht, my friend and I decided we should go around Bangkok the following weekend-day (I have a 6 day workweek :x and hence the new word). I took a commuter van from Angthong to Bangkok on Saturday evening. These vans are very comfortable with Aircon, LCD TV and plush cushion seats. However, there was only one problem, they don’t speak English and my "basic"/"Fair" Thai was not making any sense to them. As fate would have it, I ended up at a farther off skytrain station that lengthened my journey as well! But what the heck, I was in Bangkok!! I took a sky train to my friend's place in SamutPrakarn and the skytrain system is exactly like our Delhi Metro system minus the bag checking and extensive security. Luckily the automated voice announced the stations both in Thai and English which made it easier. We then passed our time off at a mall in Samutprakarn. We roamed around the mall marveling at the variety of stores, size of the mall and the hotness quotient of Thai sales girls. The night was well spent!

The next day morning we decided to visit the three most important tourist attractions of Bangkok - The grand palace, Wat Pho and Wat Arun. After landing at few wrong stations and then shifting trains (Luckily I had a 30 day pass for the skytrain), we reached SuphanTaksin station on the Silom line. From there we had to take an express boat on the Chao Phraya river to reach the Maharaja pier where all the three attractions are located. Grand Palace has a hefty entry fee for foreigners (THB 400) and I think it is worth the money. It also houses the Wat Phra Theow, the temple of Emerald Buddha. Emerald Buddha is the most revered and loved Buddha in all of Thailand. The other two attractions will cost you THB 50 each. Wat Arun is across the river and ferry service for THB 6 per person (up & down) is available. You will definitely be approached by scamsters claiming the palace is closed or is under renovation, just ignore them and go see for yourself. (We were approached by a guy with a "Tourist Police" tag with the same story)

After tiring roundup of the famous attractions in Bangkok it was time for me to leave for Angthong and this time I was better off in finding the right commuter van and was back safe at my company guest house.

Practical Information:
  • Never ever trust someone who is willing to help you unsolicited and more than required. Insist on meter when in taxis and tuktuks are best avoided.
  • You get better exchange rates in the city than at the bank counters in the airport (1THB = 1.6 INR in the city while it was 2.5 INR at the airport. 1USD = 30.1 in the city while it was         29.1 at the airport)
  • Buy a lonelyplanet guide or at least go through wiki travel pages and take printouts if need be
  • Bring along the two pin US to India travel adapter/converter

2 comments:

The Departed Mafia

3:15 PM Shanky 1 Comments


One of the important value-add through my MBA at IIM Lucknow was the introduction to a game called Mafia and redemption from the stupid Mafia wars on FB. The new mafia is a game involving real smart, enthusiastic people. That’s it! No boards, no dice, no cards, no timekeeper or any other equipment/prop. Its a simple yet powerful game and you will be so engrossed that you will forget time passing by you, tapping your shoulder and saying a quick "hi". This was one of the biggest tactics used by us to have breakfast which is ever so elusive otherwise. "Let’s play Mafia all night, then have anda maggi from GnB at 7" someone would suggest and then after furious messaging you have a gang of 6-9 students playing mafia with mild music in the background, alcohol is optional. "Enough of the teaser!" you say. Ok. Let me introduce to you, the best strategy/psychology based game ever - Mafia!

This game involves an imaginary village with lush green fields, prosperous and dutiful citizens and one banyan tree. Yes. Banyan tree is a must; where else will you gather for the night meetings? Now, their peace is being disturbed by the presence of 2 Mafias (This can vary depending on total no. of players) camouflaged as villagers among them. Every night the village headman, also known as coordinator of the game, brings the entire village together to identify the mafia members through logic and reason. During night, everyone sleeps (just close your eyes but be attentive!) while the Mafia is awake. The Mafia takes advantage of sleeping villagers and scheme to kill a person. They identify the target to the headman and go to sleep. The headman asks only the doctor/witch/angel of the village (A villager with special power) to wake up and gives him/her the choice to redeem/purify one of the villager. Now, if this person identified by the doctor/angel is same as the mafia target, then he/she is spared. On the other hand, if that person is not the same as mafia target, then the target dies and the one chosen by the angel gets nothing. When dawn breaks, the headman asks everyone to wake up and announces the actions from previous night without revealing the identity of the perpetrators. Usually this is followed by pandemonium - Villagers desperately trying to find the mafia and the mafia trying to defend them. Then there is voting to find the accused (like Jury style justice in US) and the headman eliminates the person with maximum votes to the cheers of others "Let’s kill the mafia bitch!" and declares the dead person's identity. Yes. Mafia also votes. Dude, democracy man... Come on da! Ok, now this is one day in the village. The days passby until all the villagers are killed or all the mafia are killed and depending on that we have the group winner. 

You may ask why the headman is not revealing the identity of the mafia. One, this is a game, stupid! Two, he is elected by the people but paid by the mafia. Got the flow? *wink wink nudge nudge*, huh... huh? The roles are assigned by a fair means (which is random chit picking). Also you can get imaginative and improvise on the roles, add some new characters and give them powers. But worry not, whichever role you play, you will enjoy this game. The amazing thing about the game is the worry/excitement that villagers display to choose the accused in the morning. Also, every action you take during the day has repercussions in the night, just like in real life. Finally, the discussion, alliance formation, argument and final decision of choosing the accused is awesome. The reason behind the choice can be as lame as "On the basis of Maslow's hierarchy law and the porters five force model he is the mafia, I think" or as logical as "I heard him move when the headman asked mafia to wake up, he is the mafia!". What? You are going to play now? Wait. Wait. I want to tell more. 

When a game is so close to real life, can't a movie be so close to a game? There might be many movies that have taken this game as the base. But The Departed is one movie which really kicked some serious ass and which I loved a lot. Martin Scorsese is a wizard in Hollywood churning out magical movies. He has some great movies to his credit and The Departed would have been just another day in office for him. My humble opinion is that this movie loosely adapts the game. Maybe I am wrong and it is just two scenes that inspired me to write this post. The movie is about a mole (Matt Damon) in Massachusetts state police dept and a counter-mole (Leonardo DiCaprio) in one of the city’s gangs planted by the police dept. The gang is headed by Jack Nicholson who had planted Matt in the police ranks. In essence, in the movie, there are two villages - Policeville and Gangstaville. They have their own set of villagers, mafia and coordinators. Information flows on both sides and both sides get to know they have a rat in their ranks. This is when things get interesting.

Now, everyone is under scrutiny and everyone is tensed about his fate after inquiry. The game actually reveals itself so clearly in one of the scenes where DiCaprio, one of the latest recruits of the gang, is questioned by Jack. The answers, logic and the body language that DiCaprio brings in that scene is tremendous! Partly because of his skills, partly because of the director and partly because of the nostalgia (about the mafia game) that the scene brings out, it easily scores a perfect ten for me. There is another scene in a deserted theatre where Matt Damon tries to convince Jack that he can find the rat in the gang's ranks. This scene is another gem which again replicates the scheming sequence of the game. One big difference between the movie and the game is the absence of a doctor/angel. Though one can argue, the two officers who trained Di Caprio could be considered as one. These two mini mafia games collide to form one big mafia game like how the 3*3 squares form the su-do-ku puzzle. Before you even realise, truth reveals itself and there is a mega explosion - of blood and awesomeness! 

PS: For a 7 member group - Have one headman, one doctor/angel villager, 3 normal villagers and 2 Mafia men. You are free to improvise on the schema, no copyrights involved!

For complete rules, tips & tricks - check the wiki page - Mafia (party game)

1 comments:

Blind!

3:14 PM Shanky 1 Comments


Pic Courtesy: www.danlew.com

Rainbows used to be the magical color palette of the nature until you found out the science behind it. The stars were mystical beauties until we realised its just a mega giant torch burning far far away from us. Many things that were wonderful and beautiful becomes mundane and uninteresting once you find out the science behind them. So is it that being ignorant is bliss? Nope! Poets, writers and painters see the same moon, same stars, rainbows, lovers everyday and still are inspired by them every day. They see the beauty in what they have and what they don’t. They are not seeking perfection from these elements; after all they are not some ill-grown manager. They are inspiring leaders who see the beauty in the positive as well as the negative. That is why, I have a simple rule "never be in awe of anyone/anything". Respect everything/anyone that will make you humble and realise how little you have achieved. However, if you are in awe you will only end up as a blind follower. Being a blind follower you are paving way to two kinds of blindness - Learning the right lesson and missing the beauty. 

The frenzy around Steve Jobs is a prime example for blind following. He resigned and the whole world had to write eulogy, and rightly so, as if he died in war! This man has shaped how more than half the world does its work today, converses with others and in some cases even how it thinks. All the praises that we have showered on him is worth every word of it. But then there are two side effects to this frenzy. One, we fail to grasp the real reason why Steve was so successful. Second we fail to look into the failures of Jobs and hence lose the lessons in the loss. I am sure most of us think he is some kind of wizard who dreamed about ipad and unleashed his creativity one fine morning to capture our imagination. But truth cannot be far from it. Here are two articles that somewhat captures the enigma behind Steve's success - Article 1 and Article 2. These are way better than the "Steve is god" posts on most other sites which would sound like a pre-teen raving about Justin Beiber. Also, here is one article that points to one of Jobs', probably biggest, mistake. 

If you have to appreciate the real beauty of a person then you have to understand his/her positives as well as negatives, if not appreciate them. This is the second disaster that blind following leads you into. One small mistake and you tend to trash the person who you revered moments ago. Had you not been in awe and just followed your reason, respected him as a human being then you will be able to appreciate his real beauty as well. Our fathers are prime example for this! He was our hero during our child hood and whatever he did was the best. But wicked life adds its twist and we are revealed that dad is conservative. He cannot even surf the net. In short, he is not "cool". And then like sudden brakes in an otherwise smooth travelling Volvo cruiser you feel a push and then a pull. You stop seeing him as hero and the gap widens. This is when he stops being the handsome, strong dad to a vile, destroyer of freedom, dad. Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, only because the brain said so! Garner some respect for everyone and everything; understand the good and bad of everyone and everything. Beauty will reveal itself from within you!

P.S: I have committed my share of blind following as well. I am a human being and I am a huge fan of Kamal Hassan, APJ Abdul Kalam, Sachin Tendulkar, AR Rahman and Illayaraja. In my blinded state I wrote a piece in this very blog on how Sachin is a god's avatar to show how a sportsman should be. Just like how Lord Ram came into this world to show how a ruler must be. Even Lord Ram had his share of shortcomings. He was not the best of Husbands, some might argue. Sachin too slipped from being a good citizen. Not once, but twice. At least the first time can be termed as a casual mistake - When he got a Ferrari without paying customs. The second time he has committed (almost) the same mistake pertaining to taxes. Well, he has twisted the laws to suit his pocket. Read from here.

1 comments:

Mankaatha - Movie Review

6:25 PM Shanky 3 Comments


Just before the interval, Ajit plays chess and rehearses his moves to eliminate his partners. He would declare with finesse and arrogance "I am the King... maker!" That is when u sit up, smile and tell yourself "Bring it on baby!". The movie is about four rogue friends trying to complete a heist. Now money is evil, the only thing more evil is the desire that it creates. With 4 rogues, one planner and so much money the film heads into a topsy-turvy roller coaster ride that you shall enjoy. This is the first true multi-starrer for Venkat Prabhu, the director of the movie. With 2 Established heroes, 1 upcoming fellow, few sidekicks, 4 heroines... phew that is a plateful to handle. Venkat Prabhu has done a decent job in helping the male stars to shine as much as they can while the female stars have little to no role to play. The movie line is such. 

3 comments:

The Secret of The Nagas - Book Review

12:42 PM Shanky 5 Comments


There are very few books that will make you feel one with the characters and emote you along with them. This is one of them. I really credit the author for doing this, especially considering that the characters in the book are considered gods in today's world. Hence to be able to connect to them in any way other than spiritual, fear or apathy is fascinating. To read about their anger, weaknesses, love and care for their family makes you feel like a god as well! This series by Amish, takes on the popular notion that gods might have once been brave and just kings whose legends might have given later generations an impression that they were immortal and invincible. They were gods.

5 comments:

B+ - How Vs Why

4:55 PM Shanky 1 Comments


Pic Courtesy: redbubble.com

When we were kids, we did not know anything about B+. Then slowly it was introduced to us as a blood group. Then a little later it was one of the dreaded grades. But this post is not about any of them. This is about being positive. Almost every feel good book, motivational speaker, teacher, coach, strategist, doctor, lawyer and many others preach this slogan of "B+ always; more so in the face of adversity" But most of them fail to say how! At least in India, my motherland, the answer for that question is "Have faith" or "Believe in the almighty!" Though I am a theist, I simply cannot make my mind wait for the events to turn positive when I am already distressed and am thinking am knee deep in sh!t.

The next question that pops up in our mind is what is that we need to be positive? Is it only when we are down? Or do we need to develop a positive outlook to everything around us? Be it a small incident or a slip up or even criticism. With a positive bend of mind, your life turns out to be better for you. Faced with adversity or victory does not matter when you can think through an optimistic lens. Before you close your browser tab, labeling this as a gyan post, let me move on. But only before warning you, this still could turn out to be a gyan post. But what the hell! Be positive buddy :)

I am not a management guru or any such thing. I am just a recent graduate and I think about everything that happens to me during the day before I go to sleep. This helps me organise my thoughts, schedule and most importantly analyse my behavior. One such outcome of that is about "How to be positive?" This is not a panacea and might fail in most places. But it is something and this something will help you in at least a few places. I strongly believe so and hence spending a few minutes to pen my thoughts.

When I am irritated or frustrated or feeling low or angry, I concentrate on asking the right question rather than finding the right answer. Seeking the answer before asking the right question can be a disaster in the making. So what is the right kind of question? Well, if it was just that simple and standard then I think life will be boring. So, even I don't know what is that question. But what I do know is that there is no one right question (sounds like globe or gas. Well it is :) ). In what I have discovered so far, I think it is better to avoid "How" questions and encourage more "why" questions to help being positive. Let me explain this with an example.

All of us have friends or relatives. Most of us would have fought with them time and again. When we fight, it usually is mended by other firends or by ourselves. However, in the interim period we undergo turmoil that is mood-killing to say the least. And during this period, most of us will be pondering over the "how" questions. "How can he say that to me?" "How can she do this to me?" or various other questions might pop up. The downside of such questions is that it leads us to recount the favors that we did for the other person while completely forgetting about what help they have rendered for us ["I helped him when he was financially down and this is how he repays?"]. Instead, try asking the "why" questions. "Why did he say that to me?" "Why did she do this to me?" Maybe, just maybe, you will get a few responses that might elevate the other person in your eyes. At least it will give you more than one option and a quicker healing time. "May be what I said irritated him" or "May be she did not know this will hurt me."

There might be a better example or a better way to handle such situations. If you know them or use them in your life, please let me know or spread the word for everyone to know.

1 comments:

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